Why Anxiety Is My Greatest Teacher?

After a year of no income due to Covid, I created a single online course which became Start Where You Are. I released it in January 2021 and it sold incredibly well, and thankfully, the courses that followed continued that fortunate trend. It all started because my instinctual voice got louder and louder - it would scream at me, 'it's now or never,' and I obviously batted it off again and again. "I couldn't teach - I wasn't an expert - what did I know" were spoken by my inner critic and for some time I believed it to be true. Only when my instinct became hysterical, did I take action. Something far larger than me and my anxieties took the reins, and I felt powerless to stop it. It's the first time this has ever happened but it's changed my life and its enabled me to transform other lives. Let's go further back with a jackanory...

My childhood years were a blur of social anxiety - a continual cycle of what someone would say to me, how I would respond and what people thought of me. The latter was the real killer and its this that kept me awake at night. As soon as alcohol was introduced, I clung to it like a liquified bible. It allowed me to feel normal for hours on end, but the crashes were far bigger and my anxiety inevitably got worse. I left University how I went in - a naive, spring chicken that wanted to fly, only to realise chicken's aren't known to grace the skies. It never occurred to me that I could change my thought patterns and in turn, upgrade to being a hawk perhaps! 

I've sat in meetings sweating, quickly making excuses to leave because a comment was passed around about the state of me. I've let my anxiety make decisions for me, and for a dark month of my life, just crossing the street or entering a supermarket was far too much. I've travelled a long road with loyal anxiety by my side and its dry mouth, nausea and nerves are never too far away.

It's so important I write about this topic because having taught so many with similar feelings, I know how paralysing anxiety and comparison can be. For so long, I wanted to be anyone else - I hated being me which still saddens me to share. In my 30s, having met enough of 'my people,' they allowed me to accept myself and see anxiety as a companion rather than a daily fight. It will always be there but I couldn't let fear rule my life forever. It would've destroyed me and my relationships and I was doing a pretty good job of that before I took action. Here's what anxiety has taught me...

1) JUDGING IS MORE ABOUT THEM THAN YOU

Someone who is full of energy and loves life can also be battling some debilitating emotions that are hidden so far down, they'll never come out. We can choose to judge because we don't understand it, or we can choose to support and be there for whatever they need. In truth, judging someone often tells you more about yourself rather than the person in front of you, and that's worth some self-reflection surely? We should always be aware that something else might be going on behind the scenes, and just realising that has allowed me to show more empathy and compassion. Vulnerability allows people to relate to you and it can boost your likeability - not the other way round.

2) TRUST YOUR INNER COMPASS

We have so much going on in our bodies yet for years, I didn't listen to mine. I made so many idiotic decisions because I was disconnected from myself. We all have an internal compass which is made up of our heart, mind and gut and two other things - instinct and a self-hate voice. Your self-critic is so loud but it's your instinct you have to pay attention to. Why? Because that voice is full of shit - it's wrong and it will do anything to stop you from reaching your potential. It's trying to ward you away from danger but mine is a git that I've learnt to ignore all day long! 

3) I WANT TO EMBRACE THE FULL HUMAN EXPERIENCE WITH A FULL RANGE OF EMOTIONS

I mean the way I'm wired up, I was never going to win the meek award with no access to the skyscraper emotions. Unfortunately, this also means I have access to the lowest of the low range, or I used to. I now proudly take sertraline which regulates my serotonin production, so my happy chemicals get pumped through regularly. Sertraline allows me to experience the full range of emotions without crashing or diving off the top. It's actually a genius invention which I fecking love!

4) NEVER LET FEAR MAKE YOUR DECISIONS FOR YOU. EVER!

I put an exclamation mark at the end of this one because it's sooooo important. I set up Lens Eleven so women wouldn't feel like I how felt - alone, unsupported, and not able to talk about their feelings. This is a space to dream big, plan and make it happen against the backdrop of an incredible community. My instinct insisted that I put fear to one side, and as soon as I did, all this self-belief flooded in. I know it's scary but the rewards are huge so if fear now comes knocking, I don't answer the bloody door - I make a new one!

5) SUPERCHARGE YOURSELF WITH SKILLS

This has everything to do with mindset and action which Lens Eleven is all about. Anxiety stopped me from trying new things and opening myself up to opportunity. I grabbed the camera six years ago, mastered it, felt empowered and demanded that every women should know that strength. If we don't know something, it doesn't mean we've failed, it just means we get to enjoy a new process and acquire the skills needed. We can create a self-designed life where passion and curiosity leads the way - and without anxiety I would've never got here.

6) YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WITH THE RIGHT TRIBE

Another slogan for Lens Eleven but it's so true! It was only when I surrounded myself with people that really loved me and vice versa that magic showed up. My husband is forever saying, 'you should do this or that - you'd be brilliant at it.' He planted the seed that I have a gift for connection and I started to believe it myself. Ask yourself what someone has recently said about your gifts and personality. You probably batted it off like we've been programmed to, but this space insists you don't. I want you to blow your own trumpet, and take on board all the positive things people say about you.

7) YOU CAN REFRAME NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Wow - this one was huge and took so much work! You can reframe your negative thoughts into positive ones - WHAT, I hear you cry! It's true - the truths will tell ourselves might be wrong! When I was a kid, I might fall out with someone and go home and tell my parents, 'no-one likes me. I have no friends.' It would be complete tosh and my mum would remind me of that. I needed her input otherwise I would've fallen down this huge, self-pitying hole where I genuinely believed I had no one. Since then, there have been many larger deviations from the actual truth and it's caused a ripple effect. Telling yourself, 'you're not good enough' stems from all these negative thought patterns, but guess what - we get to re-write the narrative in a positive way. What we perceive as happening (ie, someone's reaction to an event) isn't actually what's happening (they didn't even notice what was going on!) Treat yourself and your feelings like you'd treat a friend (what would you say to them in a pickle) and it'll change your life. 

8) IT'S OK NOT TO BE FINE!

It's human nature to keep things on the down-low and want to brush things under the carpet, but overtime resentment for people not caring can become overwhelming (and you've obviously forgotten you keep everything to yourself!) Being an able, successful and happy human doesn't depend on being fine all the time. How could it be? My default mode is smiley and energised, but now I also let people know my true reality. Asking for help makes others feel valued - what's better than that?

9) ACCEPT ALL THE FEELINGS - EVEN THE BAD ONES!

This was a huge stepping stone in my mental health battle. I spent so long fighting anxiety - it was literally a sword fight every bloody day and I was losing. I was exhausted and cold to the bone with life. As soon as I stopped fighting and accepted my demons, the easier life got. My instinct gradually came back and it began guiding me again. My heart, mind and soul were no longer torn as they worked together. Anxiety has taught me to never run away from bad feelings, rather bathe in them until my skin gets wrinkly, for it's in those wrinkles that the work gets done!  

10) YOU CAN CREATE A LIFE THAT SUITS YOU!

I've left the best to last and without anxiety, I would never have fought so hard to realise my dreams. I've created a life and work that matters deeply to me. I create my own calendar and even though I rarely decline a commitment (unless I have to), just knowing I have that flexibility is everything. It's almost like a safety net, safeguarding my feelings, designed to care for me and my angst. This set up is my version of valium! ;)

I hope you've found this blog worthwhile and words you can resonate with. Let's raise a glass to the constant bickering with anxiety and how we can be stronger for it...